On March 31st 2017 I packed my bags and got rid of things I didn’t need; I said my last goodbyes and gave my last hugs. On April 1st, the next day, I took my bags, hopped on the plane and headed to California. I had no plans for who I was staying with; I had no plans to adopt any 9-5 jobs and I had no plans for earning money. The only thing I knew, was to follow my spirit, and I did just that.
California had been calling me for some time now. At first I thought it was just a fun idea to come out here with my boys, do our music, perform and explore. So for a while I had put the idea off. One year went by and the voices of my spirits become stronger. Everything around me had said California. From T shirts, to books, down to a brand of veggie burgers. I was even having a random conversation about cats, and the lady I spoke with told me that she knew a cat that was oddly called Cali. This was how I knew I could no longer stray from what the great divine was trying to tell me: that there is something out there for me.
Because I chose to make that big decision to leave New Jersey, and go on “blind faith”, I was rewarded with a safety net, staying with two friends, one of whom I’ve known for 14 years now. Staying with like-minded people like myself, I’ve been given the gift of living with other healers with great humor, compassion and purpose. The only job I have been working on, is the original one the Lord has given me: which is to work on my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health. I have a good chunk of change in my pocket, and I am not worried about anything.
I’ve been told that home is where the heart is; that no matter where you go, you are home; you are free. I agree with this. I also know to follow my spirit when it calls me to move forward on my journey. I was meant to come to Cali to get completely out of my comfort zone. Had I stayed in Jersey I would have spent money frivolously, stayed in my doubtful state of mind, taking everything for granted and would have kept myself trapped in a dark box of self-doubt. Making this move meant, I couldn’t spend too carelessly because I didn’t know the next time I would receive any money and from where. It meant being in an area that I am not at all familiar with, so that I couldn’t leech on anybody that I knew to hang onto in order to hang on to old habits. Being out here, where the sun is always out, using a fresh state for a fresh state of mind is what I needed. There is more to come while I am still here.
I am coming back to New Jersey. When I am finished with my ascension, I will come back stronger, more peaceful, more purposeful, with more light, love and wisdom so that I can come back home, to make some beautiful changes.
By: Bobby L.
The Attempt on my own life.
In 2013 I attempted on taking my own life. At that moment I did not care who will be affected by it. Everything was a complete blur. It was as if everything went completely black. It was a very sad place.
The doctors and nurses were working so hard to save my life. Even though I wanted to die. I felt absolutely helpless and hopeless.
Before I was wheeled into my own room I was treated by a nurse who happened to be a neighbor of mine and who helped my mother in previous years with her knee replacements. I was thinking “Is this a joke”. God saved my life and He is putting people in my life to help me. In my room I was greeted by a friend of mine who I not seen for over 30 years. I said to him “You know me. I have never did anything like this.” He said to me, “You hit rock bottom. So the only direction for you to go is UP”.
This disability I have is a mood disorder called “Bipolar Mixed.” There is a recent as of the date f this letter is called “Bipolar Depression”.
Due to the passing of my sister from cervical cancer, caused me to fall into this Depression state.
Coping Skills are used in ways to manage my symptoms.
These are the following skills I use:
1) Focalization – Shape of my Hand.
2) Listen to Music
3) Go for a Walk
4) Remove myself from the situation
5) Deep Breathing
6) Focus on Body Muscle Groups
I was in a situation where job distribution was taking place. Many people were speaking at the same time. So I made a walk towards my counselor and I did Deep Breathing to calm my emotions. Within minutes my mood changed.
I do hope my letter/journal help you to know my diagnosis alongside of knowing myself.
I suffer from sever debilitating mental illness. So many of my peers struggle with the stigma and everyday ups and downs. Many of us have side effects from medications. This presents more challenges, trials, and often times disappointments. People are often times misdiagnosed, hence the medication of Russian roulette of sorts.
There is so little help from the government to assist folks in getting ahead.
Experiencing financial problems, along families that don’t understand- forces myself and others into a lonely isolative bubble.
Being positive when you wish you hadn’t waken up in the morning is something I’m really trying to master.
Changes in treatment is overdue. A holistic approach makes so much more sense and is far more beneficial than a pill in many cases.
I recall having yoga built into one of my hospitalizations. It may have saved my life. It was the one thing that gave inner peace and changed my perspective on my entire being. Maybe just maybe hypnosis could take the place of shocking the brain into a controlled seizure through ECT. Perhaps this could help irradiate the horror of PTSD.
In a holistic reality, good hypnotherapy could possibly erase addictions like drugs and alcohol, maybe even OCD behaviors.
Planting, harvesting, and nature in general can just halt many symptoms of mental illness. How can we get the government and medical insurance to see things from a holistic point of view?
Blog posts are written by Shore House members and staff.