Day four at the Shore house was absolutely amazing I got to meet a lot of new people. I got to meet Dan and the other Abby. I thought it was pretty cool that Dan like the 90’s grunge era of music, so I found someone I have something in common with. He said He like Nirvana and Sound Garden, Alice in chains and Stone Temple pilots which are all my top favorite bands to listen to. He said he saw me in the mall a lot and then saw me on the Shore house Facebook and thought about dropping by today and He introduced himself to me. I also found out about some cool things about John one of member at the Shore house. He told that He loves to listen to music he likes to listen to Matchbox twenty another good 90’s band. He was listing to music as he was going over checklist for the Shore house He wanted to know when I started there. Cause John had not seen my name on last couple of lists I told him that I pencil in my name every day I came in. He told me that computer does goes on by whatever is checked off by the list. Hopefully Shore House will eventually add my name on list because I plan on staying here for a long time. We also talked dreams John talked about how He dreams about He didn’t graduate college. Abby said there might be deeper reason why He is having a dream like that. He said He went through college and that it was really easy for him. Maybe He felt college wasn’t a challenge enough for him is what I was thinking because John is really smart person. John also said that He had dreams where is drinking again and would wake up and feel like thank god I didn’t. I said I have similar dreams like that with smoking because I was addicted to it and feel same sign of relief that I didn’t pick up that cigarette. He said the brain is really powerful organ and it’s like our brain are constantly writing down the same thing over again that what addiction can feel like. We talked some more about dreams I talked about how I had a dream that I was in Japan. But then you wake up realize you are in New Jersey again that’s what Bailey said. I bet she knows that same disappointing feeling that I’ve felt. There’s actually a little bit more to that dream though. I had dreamed that I walked around Japan was looking around all the architecture and visiting all the famous sites around Japan and that I married a woman from Japan. It was the most beautiful dream I ever had. I experienced the most crushing feeling that it was all just a dream Bailey knew how I felt to wake up again in that New Jersey reality. Abby talked about she experienced sleep paralysis and how she would see dead bodies around the room and feel like someone captured her was coming for her. John said that he had similar experiences and that He read a lot about sleeping and would tell himself over and over again that what He was experiencing was not real and that had He helped him with his sleep paralysis. Today I also met with ICMS and EISS to discuss the future of my mental health. I told them many personal things about my mental health. I told them about my depression over the fact that I can’t attract women. They told that I don’t really know if there have been women that are attracted to me. Sometimes people don’t always their feelings out loud because it might make that person feel uncomfortable to and they may want to hide their feelings. They told the media is really to blame for the fact that I feel this way. Our society stigmatizes people who never had relationships before. You see some guy made fun on TV for not being in relationship and all sudden you feel like you don’t want to say that you haven’t. There’s a lot of pressure in our culture to have sex and relationships with people but, at the same time there’s a lot people who don’t have sex and relationships till there a lot older. I told them that it’s gotten me so depressed in the past that I thought about suicide and I would cut myself. I do feel pressure and that is something we need to change in our culture. It’s just like when I was talking with Abby and she said how mental health is stigmatized in our country. People stigmatize things that they are afraid of and don’t understand, but to add that I think people stigmatize things cause people base things off of themselves. People feel like you have to measure up to their standards in order to be considered a person. What I love most about the Shore house, EISS and ICMS is I feel welcomed that it’s okay to be different
Blog posts are written by Shore House members and staff.